Permission to be excused, please?
Do you ever wish someone could write you a pass to get you out of your responsibilities for a day or two? Or better yet, a break from others’ perceptions of your responsibilities? I’m reminded of an episode of The Wonder Years where the mom went on strike to inspire her slacking family to help out around the house. As the plot progresses, you get that it wasn’t so much that she needed them to do more chores; she just wanted to be appreciated for her contribution. That struck a chord with me, but not because I don’t feel appreciated. I totally do. But as a recovering over-functioner, the realization hit me that I was training people to count on me for things that they were fully capable of doing for themselves. But, why should they? I mean, really.
For whatever your dysfunction of choice is, there’s a clear and tangible payoff. For us “all things to all people” addicts, the reward comes in the form of appreciation. And it is a powerful intoxication indeed. Appreciation is a form of love, but can come with some significant strings attached. While it’s nice to be loved for what you do, I am learning to see sweet value in just being loved for who I am. I invite you to check in with your crazy swamped self and see where you may be filling your calendar with other people’s stuff at the expense of accomplishing your own objectives. Maybe we do it to avoid our own stuff. Nothing ventured, nothing lost, right? And besides, someone else’s life is an easy fix. We’re too emotionally attached to ours. Way too messy!
If you haven’t heard from me in a while, it’s because I finally gave myself permission to take a couple of months away from planning and marketing to get super clear about how I’m spending my time…..and for whom. I asked myself some tough questions about my personal mission and the activities that I was letting distract me. If you’re wondering what your own self-imposed interferences might be, take a look at your calendar and you will clearly see the story unfold.
I want to be a good friend, an engaged parent, a helpful coach and a supportive partner. I want to be there for the people I care about when they need me. But my new vision is to love from a place of individual expansion. I’ll choose pro bono work that is meaningful to me and release the need to be the official prioritizer for those I deem less productive.
Is it possible to just silently know that no one will ever do it as well as you could (that’s a given)…then allow the rest of the world to win, fail and manage their own journey? “What?!!”……just breathe with me…
Perhaps it’s time to trust that the rest of humankind has come here fully equipped with the same capacity to problem solve and take care of themselves as us. Unlikely as that seems, I’m willing to put my Wonder Woman outfit in the closet and take my time back. Living your truth is asking yourself what is really important and then having the courage and wisdom to build your life around your answers….sometimes at the risk of disappointing others. Are you ready to join me?
Come on….
I’ll write you a note.
–added from the Bliss Blog Archives